Recovery
by transmutejun
Summary: Sequel to Discovey. Joe is dead, but Jun has to move on.... with Ken?


Jun woke up. It was only a minor change to her mental state from less aware to more aware, and she resented it. When she slept she could ignore the pain in her heart that gnawed at her every day. While she was awake it was all she could think about.

Jun hadn't really gotten out of bed much at all in the last two months. Occasionally she would get dressed and go downstairs to the Snack J at Jinpei's urging, but she would just sit listlessly and stare at the walls until she could sneak back upstairs to her room again. She knew Jinpei was worried about her; that everyone was worried about her, but she didn't think this was going to change.

The world was at peace, but Jun was not. Joe was dead.

At first her mind didn't really comprehend this fact and she had managed to get through the first few days as an automaton, working on instinct and memory. But as the days passed and her duties as the Swan grew less and less, she retreated from the world more and more. She often wished that she were dead too, because she couldn't fathom living like this any longer. And yet, somehow, days turned into nights, and nights turned into yet more days, and now it had been almost 10 weeks since his death.

10 weeks without him. It felt like an eternity.

Once they had pledged that they had all the time in the world. They wanted to take things slowly. And they did. For awhile. Until the roaring maelstrom of their feelings for each other had caught them up in a fast and furious romance. They had been together a month before they had made love, and when they finally did it had been glorious. It had been glorious every night afterwards for the following month… until Joe became so ill.

At first, his headaches didn't bother him so much when he was with her. He claimed that her company could cure him of any illness. But as things got worse and worse he had had to submit himself to Dr. Nambu's care and the nights of carefree love were over. Even then Jun had stayed by his side as much as she could, and she had still thought they could get through this. It wasn't until that fateful day when he said his goodbyes, on the grass at the entrance to that terrible Galactor base, that she had even accepted death as a real possibility.

Jun sighed and turned over, tears rolling down her cheeks.

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Jinpei opened the door slightly and peered in at his sister. It was the same. He didn't know why he expected this morning to be any different from the days before. It had been months and Onechan was still grieving for Joe.

Jinpei had come to accept Joe, especially once he realized how happy he had made Onechan. Deep down he still would have preferred that she be with Ken, but he also understood _why_ she wasn't. But now of course it was a different story. Joe was gone, and Ken was there. Joe had even told her to be with Ken. But Onechan was not ready.

Jinpei walked downstairs with a heavy heart. He began to make breakfast for Jun, hoping that today she might actually eat some of it. She was getting painfully thin.

A knock on the door startled him out of his depressing thoughts. He walked over to answer it and saw that it was Ken.

Ken. Maybe _he_ could talk some sense into Jun.

"Aniki. It's good to see you." he said. But his voice didn't sound happy.

"How are things Jinpei?" asked Ken. He was as concerned as Jinpei, if not more so.

"The same Aniki. Jun is still…"

"I know." Ken laid a comforting hand on Jinpei's shoulder. "It's not any better?"

Jinpei shook his head sadly. Then he looked up with a spark of hope in his eyes.

"Maybe if you talked to her Aniki…" he offered, "Maybe if you went to see her it would help."

Ken shook his head vehemently. He had not spent much time with Jun since the war ended. He couldn't think about talking to her until she was past her grief for Joe. But it was hard on him too. Despite his feelings for Jun, Joe had been his friend too, and Ken had grieved in his own way. But it was time to move on. Only Jun didn't think so.

"How can I?" asked Ken, his doubts showing on his face, "How can I take his place? Is it even right?"

"He _told _you to Aniki." said Jinpei in a cold voice. He was getting fed up with Ken's self-deprecating ways. "He _wanted_ you to take care of her!"

This was something else that rankled Ken. Joe had given him _permission_ to be with Jun. It was almost too much for his ego to bear. But deep down he knew that Jinpei was right. Ken sighed. He saw the breakfast tray that Jinpei had been working on.

"Is that for Jun?" Ken asked. Jinpei nodded, a slow grin coming to his face. He couldn't believe how much prodding it took for Ken to do what he wanted to do anyway.

Ken picked up the tray and made his way upstairs to Jun's room. When he arrived he found the door ajar and peeked inside. He hadn't actually been near Jun in over a month and was shocked by what he saw.

Jun was sitting up on her rumpled bed, wearing one of Joe's old Number 2 shirts. She had a dejected, far-away look. Even with her gaunt face and dark circles under her eyes she was hauntingly beautiful. Ken took a deep breath and entered the room.

"Breakfast is served milady!" he joked with a smile.

Jun turned her head slowly to look at him.

"Thanks." she muttered. Then she looked away again.

Uncertain, Ken set the tray down on a dresser. It would be so simple to just slink out and not come back, but he knew he couldn't take the easy way out. Instead he forced himself to sit down next to Jun.

The silence between them was palpable. Jun gave no indication that she even knew he was still there.

"You can't go on like this Jun."

No response.

"We finally defeated Galactor. Katse is gone. You should have _some_ peace in your heart."

Jun quickly turned and glared at Ken, her eyes full of rage.

"I know!" Ken threw his hands up in surrender. "I know you're having a tough time dealing with Joe's death. We _all_ are. But it's been more than two months Jun. Two months." Then he asked the million dollar question.

"When are you going to return to us Jun?"

She pointedly turned her head away from him again.

Ken tried once more. "Joe didn't want you to be like this." He tipped her face up to his so that she was forced to look at him. "If he could see you now…"

The thought was left hanging between them. Silent tears rolled down Jun's face.

"Joe would _want_ you to live your life. He wanted you to be happy."

Jun's face crumpled. "And I've let him down…" she whispered.

She collapsed into Ken's arms. She clung desperately to him as she remembered Joe's final words to her. 'You get along well with Ken now… go find yourself some happiness like other girls.' But how? How could she move on with her life, live her life, without Joe?

Deep inside, she knew Ken was right. Joe wouldn't want her to be this way. He did want her happy, even if that meant… no. She couldn't face that right now.

But the solid arms around her were comforting and warm. She took the refuge they offered and gained strength from it.

Jun's emotional dam had burst forth and was evidenced by the soaking of Ken's shirt. He held her to his chest and stroked her hair as she cried. God, she felt good in his arms. How he had longed to be able to hold her like this. To hold her, and protect her, and… He suddenly realized that even though she was in _his_ arms, she was still wearing _Joe's_ shirt. His presence was still there.

'But please God', he thought, 'let it dissipate. She needs to let him go…'

He knew that his motives were not entirely honorable. It was too soon. But his face was buried in her hair and the feel of her was intoxicating. He silently resolved to do what Joe had asked of him, and of Jun.

He didn't want to think about whether it was for Joe's sake, or for his.

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After awhile Jun seemed calmer. Reluctantly Ken broke the mood by speaking.

"You need to eat Jun. You need to regain your strength."

Quietly she nodded. He brought over the breakfast tray. Fortunately Jinpei had only prepared some fruit and toast, so it wasn't too bad at room temperature. Ken fed her small bites and could see her chewing mechanically.

When she had finished she looked up at him and said simply, "Thank you."

Ken smiled, and picked up the tray. He decided to push her just a bit further.

"You really should come downstairs and see how well Jinpei is doing with the Snack J." he began. "Why don't you hop into the shower and get dressed?"

She seemed to mull this idea over for awhile, then slowly she nodded.

"Okay." she responded. "I can do that." She quietly padded off to her bathroom.

When she came out of the shower Ken was gone. She rubbed her hair dry with a towel and realized how nice it felt to be clean and fed. She looked around, but her Number 3 shirt and striped pants were gone. 'Ken must have taken them.' she thought.

Suddenly it occurred to her that Ken hadn't been wearing his civilian uniform. With the end of the war with Galactor, the KNT weren't on call in the same way as before. Jinpei had been wearing all sorts of wild clothes, and Jun hadn't been interested enough to really notice. Slowly she walked towards her closet and opened the doors.

Carefully avoiding a certain red dress, she let her eyes wander over the rest of her wardrobe. It wasn't as extensive as that of other girls her age, but of course most of it was barely worn. She would have to rectify that, she mused.

It occurred to her that she was making plans about the future.

Quickly she pulled a sundress off of its hangar and slipped it on. It felt good to have clean, crisp clothing against her skin. She stepped into some sandals and went downstairs.

Jinpei's brilliant smile when she walked into the room made her effort worthwhile. He and Ken were sitting at the bar drinking orange juice. Ken smiled too, and it was somewhat reassuring.

"I'm so glad you're here Onechan! Sit down" Jinpei cried.

Gratefully she sank onto a barstool. The place _did_ look nice.

"You've been doing a great job keeping this place up Jinpei." she said. "It's practically sparkling!" Jinpei blushed at her words.

"I did it for you Onechan." he said. "I wanted you to have something to come back to."

She wrapped her arms around him and held him tightly.

"Thank you Jinpei." she said. "For everything."

"You know you've really been cooped up for a long time." said Ken. "Why don't you get a breath of fresh air?"

"Oh, I don't know…." answered Jun, suddenly shy. "I'm not sure I should…"

"Go on Onechan!" encouraged Jinpei. "I can take care of things here."

"I know you can." she smiled at Jinpei. "But…"

"Go!" shouted Jinpei. He gave Ken a broad wink and practically shoved Jun out of the door. Ken grabbed Jun's hand and pulled her, laughing, out of the Snack J.

As soon as she stepped outside Jun knew that Ken had been right. The sun was shining and soft puffs of clouds dotted the blue sky. It was a beautiful day.

Ken put his arm around her and slowly they walked down the sidewalk, not caring where they were headed. Jun took in everything as if she were seeing it for the first time. It all felt so new.

'This is what I've been missing.' she thought, '_Life_.'

After a few blocks they came to a park. They meandered along a small walking path until Jun saw a bench.

"Please Ken," she asked, "may we sit for a moment?"

"Sure! Whatever you want Jun!" Ken hurried to answer. He shouldn't have pushed her. She had spent the last few weeks in bed after all.

The bench was near a children's playground and shouts of laughter drifted on the breeze to their ears. A ball rolled across the ground and bumped against Jun's leg. She looked up to see a small boy on chubby legs toddling after it, his mother close behind. Jun picked up the ball.

"Here you are sweetheart." she said as she handed the ball back to the child. "Have fun!"

The boy grinned at her and Jun ruffled his hair. He ran off, showing his prize to his mother.

"You can still have that you know." said Ken, reading her thoughts. "You can still have a family."

It was a lot to think about.

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They walked around the park for awhile, and soon it was lunchtime. Ken grabbed some hot dogs and sodas from a park vendor and they had an impromptu picnic on the grass.

"How did you pay for these?" Jun asked.

"Well, since we're not in such demand anymore, I've started up my air courier business again." Ken answered. "It's still shaky, but I've been able to pay off my debts at the Snack J and support myself."

"You paid off your tab?" Jun was incredulous. When Ken nodded she grinned. Her face was completely transformed and she took his breath away.

"Well I guess I should hide out more often!" she exclaimed.

"No." said Ken seriously. "Don't do that again. We need you here with us. _I _need you here… with me."

Jun nodded thoughtfully. Her smile was gone, but she didn't look unhappy.

After lunch Jun felt stronger.

"Are you still training?" she asked Ken.

"Yeah," he responded, "we have a regular schedule, mostly just to keep in shape. We're pretty loose about it since it's just the three of us." He looked into her eyes. "You could come… if you wanted to."

"I'd like that." she replied softly, "but I'm afraid I'm horribly out of practice. I wouldn't want to embarrass myself."

"You wouldn't do that Jun. We all understand what you've been going through."

"Could we practice? Just the two of us? Just to work through the kinks. I don't want to fall on my face in front of Jinpei!" Jun said. "I'd never hear the end of it!"

Ken smiled. "Whenever you want Jun. In fact, if you want we could do it right now."

"Now?"

Ken nodded toward the other side of the grass. A small tai chi class was just getting underway.

"Do you remember your forms?"

Jun smiled. "Better than you do, I'll bet!"

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The tai chi had been a good idea. The class was at a lower level of difficulty and Jun had a chance to stretch her under-used muscles without looking out of place. She closed her eyes and remembered learning the forms so long ago. She had not been whole then either. She had still been recovering from that brutal attack at the orphanage, yet she had had Jinpei to motivate her and keep her going. And Ken had patiently showed her the moves and helped her when she couldn't quite master some techniques.

And here he was again. She opened her eyes and saw him moving, effortlessly gliding across the grass next to her. She remembered his polished movements and how he could fly gracefully through the air. She remembered the feeling of flying herself, and the way it took her breath away.

She wanted that back.

After the class she stretched out under an old oak tree. Ken sat next to her with a bemused look on his face.

"I guess you haven't forgotten much." he said. "You looked pretty good out there."

"So did you." She smiled back at him.

She looked peaceful and serene. It was a look he had not seen on Jun's face for a long time. He reached out and brushed away a lock of hair that had fallen over her eyes. She looked up at him and her emerald eyes shone.

Ken couldn't help himself. He kissed her.

Jun seemed to come alive at the contact. She responded and the kiss grew deeper, more ardent. As it ended she opened her eyes and looked at Ken.

Her face went pale and she turned away.

Ken cursed himself for a fool. It had been going so well. But it was too soon. All he had done was remind her of Joe again.

He took her home and she seemed fine, but he knew that something was still broken inside of her.

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Everyone noticed the change in her. After being the Swan for so much of her life she was starting to find her place in the world as just _Jun_.

She began attending practice and Ryu, Jinpei and Ken were amazed at how quickly she returned to full strength. She took an interest in running the Snack J again, and the club bustled with excitement at night. Most significantly, she started to spend a lot more time with Ken.

It was this last change that excited Jinpei the most. He craved a proper family and the inclusive feeling that brought. But even he could see that while Jun spent more time with Ken, she wasn't any closer to him. Whenever he asked her about it she would just shrug and say,

"Ken's a wonderful friend."

A friend. Jinpei knew she wasn't serious about him. But he also wasn't sure how he could change that, except to give them more time alone.

Ken knew it too. Jun seemed to enjoy his company, but the relationship was purely platonic. Once or twice he had tried to kiss her again, and she had let him, but her heart wasn't in it. Her lips, her heart, her mind were unresponsive to him. Ken still felt that if he gave her enough time, enough patience, enough understanding, she might come around. But he was starting to get impatient. Joe had been dead for almost ten months. When was she going to move on?

One night Ken arrived at the Snack J to take Jun to dinner. To his surprise she had asked him out, and for the first time in months he felt a ray of hope. He decided to push his luck by bringing her a small bouquet of flowers.

But when he got to the Snack J she was nowhere to be found. The door was unlocked, but she wasn't downstairs.

"Jun!" Ken called. But she didn't answer.

Concerned, Ken went upstairs and saw that the door to Jun's room was open. He looked inside.

It was almost as if he had been transported back to that day months ago, only this time instead of wearing the Number 2 shirt Jun was just holding it. But the vacant look on her face was the one that haunted his dreams.

"Jun…"

She looked up at him, tears glistening in her emerald eyes.

"I'm sorry Ken." she said quietly. "I know we had plans… I made them for tonight hoping that I could forget…"

"I should have known better." she finished.

"What are you trying to forget?" Ken asked gently. He was surprised at this sudden backsliding in her emotional state.

"Joe and I… it's our anniversary. We had our first date one year ago tonight."

Ken's head spun and his knees nearly gave way. The memories of that night came back to him in a rush: Jun wearing that unbelievable red dress… learning that she had planned on wearing it for _him_… Jun telling him, 'I'm over it. You don't have to apologize.'… watching her return from her date glowing with happiness, her shoes in her hand and her hair tumbling down her shoulders and back…

It was too much. Ken sank down onto the bed next to Jun. He knew how poorly he had handled himself back then and how he was still paying for those mistakes.

Jun's voice interrupted his train of thought. "I just keep thinking of the way he looked at me, and the joy I felt just being with him… and somehow I don't think I'll ever feel that way again…" she buried her face in Joe's shirt, shoulders heaving with her sobs.

Ken awkwardly put his arm around her. Of course this night would be difficult for Jun. In fact it was difficult for him as well. As Jun relaxed he gently brought her head to her pillow.

Ken searched for the right words.

"I know this is difficult for you Jun." he began, "And I'm here for you. I can only imagine… I know… how painful it must be for you to think of that night. But I promise, if you let this go, if you let these wounds heal, things will get better. I'll… I'll make sure of that."

He took a deep breath and continued, staring down at his hands. "I know I've been too insistent with you, but I promise I won't be any more. No pressure, just… friendship. I'll help you through this Jun, whatever it takes. And I don't expect anything in return."

It was a difficult speech to make, laying himself bare like that. But he meant it. He would do anything to get her through this depression that seemed to keep tightening its hold on her.

He wondered if he should leave her to her sorrow, just this once. He felt almost guilty intruding on her privacy this night.

He suddenly realized that Jun had been completely silent. She had not responded to his words. Looking over at her he saw that she was asleep. She fitfully clutched the Number 2 shirt, as if it could save her from a lifetime of pain.

Ken felt his blood boil. That damn shirt. His rage was directed towards an inanimate object that merely represented its former owner. But it was a satisfying target for his wrath.

Angrily Ken pried the shirt loose from Jun's grasp and threw it across the room. Being only a shirt, it didn't make the satisfying crash he would have liked, but merely sank to the floor with a soft hiss.

Jun stirred restlessly. Her lips were slightly parted and her eyelids fluttered. On the outside she looked like the Sleeping Beauty, but Ken knew that she was tormented inside. Gently he pulled up the blanket around her shoulders and tucked her in, preparing to leave her to her rest.

But despite his well-intended speech moment earlier, he found that he couldn't help himself. He leaned down and kissed her.

To his surprise, Jun kissed him back. Her mouth was eager… her lips ardent. She pulled Ken down and thrust her body against his. Ken sensed her letting go as she gave herself over to him completely.

Ken was amazed. Her passion inflamed him and ignited his bood. Her body, her scent, the feel of her skin… they overwhelmed him. He was consumed by his need for her.

A nagging voice in his mind struggled to make itself heard. Logic and control, usually so paramount in his mind, were weakening against the onslaught of his senses.

'This isn't right… she's grieving for Joe… she's not ready…' the voice whispered.

Jun moaned. "Make love to me…."

'I can make her forget Joe.' Ken thought, and the voice was banished from his mind.

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Their love-making was incredible. Ken had had no idea that he could feel like this: that two people could give and take of each other so much. He finally felt complete as a man, and understood that this woman was his soulmate.

He knew that he could never have these feelings, this intensity, with anyone else.

They finished together in a burst of passion that left them spent. Ken collapsed on top of Jun, burying his face in her shoulder. Her fingers wound themselves through his hair, caressing his scalp and neck.

Jun's lips pressed against his ear. His entire body tingled at their touch. She sighed contentedly and whispered in his ear.

"I've missed you so much Joe…"

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Ken angrily threw open the door to his small house at the airstrip. He reveled in the satisfying crash it made as it banged against the wall.

How could he have been so reckless? So arrogant? So….blind. He had dived headlong to grab what he so desperately wanted, only to find that it was an illusion and had never been his to begin with.

He had left Jun sleeping in her bed. 'She can never know.' he thought. He could at least spare her that shame. Let her believe it was a dream. He didn't think he could deal with it if she knew what he'd done.

He practically ripped off his clothes as he walked into the bathroom. He could smell her on his skin, on his hands… Turning on the water he stepped into the stinging spray. The water mingled with tears as it ran down his cheeks.

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Jun awoke, finding Joe's shirt next to her on the bed. Her ache of longing for him was almost physical. She had had an unbelievable dream about him… almost as if he had really been with her. She had felt as if her soul were flying out of her body and reaching out to him on a spiritual level.

Deep down she _knew_ she had connected with him. Somewhere, in some form, she knew Joe was alive.

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Joe sat up with a start. He had been dreaming of Jun, in her incredible red dress. The one that she had worn a year ago tonight. And then suddenly, he felt her… reaching out to him. It was almost as if she were in the room with him. He had sensed her passion and love stretching across the miles to where he lay. He had reached back to her and for a brief moment it felt like their souls had touched…

It was enough. Enough to keep him going on as this shell of a man Rafael had created. To get better. If only so he could see her again.


End file.
